DOES HEF EVER MOON OVER THE ONES WHO ARE GONE?
Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach - Doc Love
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Hi Doc,
I’ve got a tough one to call that I need your help with. I’m recently
separated from a wife who cheated on me. It was a very painful situation
and one I wish to keep from happening again in my next relationship at all
costs. After reading your columns for some time I went ahead and bought
“The System” to help me read women better. I hope it works.
On to my situation. My 10-year high school reunion is coming up and I recently
connected with my childhood sweetheart, LeeAnn, who I’ve known since
kindergarten. We dated all the way through college and had planned to get
married. She was ready to marry before I was, but a silly fight at a
party where I embarrassed her led to our breakup. Six weeks later she was
engaged to the richest, most popular guy in town. I did nothing to stop
her from marrying him.
Well, LeeAnn and I recently reconnected after five years of not talking.
We
went out for drinks. She confessed that even though she was still
married,
her relationship had long since fallen apart and that she no longer
loved her husband. Basically, she said, it was over even though she
hadn’t yet filed for a divorce because she was frightened for their kid.
She also said she had regrets before marrying and that I was always the one.
We both had
the best time we’ve had in a while that night, but appropriately said goodbye
at the end of the night, never crossing the physical line. On the way
home I called LeeAnn’s cell phone and said that as long as she was married I
couldn’t see her again. I didn’t want to be that “other guy” and to call
me if she ever split with her husband. She agreed and said goodnight.
Doc, my main question is this: why does the past girlfriend hold such
fascination for us guys? Is there ever an exception to your principles: “no
going backwards,” “no married women?” Because this is the love of my life
we’re talking about here, the most Giving, Flexible person I’ve ever
known.
If the
situation develops where I can have her back, is she worth the risk? Does the
fact that she willingly reconnected with me make her a potential
cheater?
I’m not at all
a desperate guy. I’m good-looking and have a lot to offer just about any
girl. Please help.
Smitty - who
doesn’t want to regret blowing a second chance
Hi Smitty,
“The System”
will work only if it’s MEMORIZED. This goes for you and all the other guys out there.
Once a week, find yourselves a quiet corner in the library and read it over and
over and over again until it’s burned into your brain cells. When it’s
automatic, you’ll be well on your way to mastery and you’ll minimize your
chances of getting burned by any woman ever again.
Smitty, how
high of an Interest Level could LeeAnn really have had in you if you were going
together for decades and then she decided to dump you because you made her
blush at a party? If you weren’t sticking someone up with a gun at that party,
how much of an embarrassment could you have been? What did you do, swing naked
from the chandeliers and make Tarzan noises?
To break up a
long-term relationship like that, LeeAnn must have been really immature or you
did something so stupid it could never, ever be forgiven. Or – more likely -- her
Interest Level was below the 50-yard line and she was just using her
so-called embarrassment as an excuse to get rid of you. Look at it this way –
gorgeous women fall all over themselves trying to get next to Dennis Rodman,
right? Who’s more embarrassing than him, unless it’s O.J., and the last time I
checked he wasn’t short of dates either.
So, LeeAnn’s
marriage fell apart and she no longer loves her husband ...Smitty,
you got any idea how many guys have heard that tall tale over the centuries?
And, uh, I’m selling this bridge over in Brooklyn you might be interested in
buying.
Why is LeeAnn
using the term “frightened” when it comes to her kid? Is her husband a nutcase?
Does he own any guns? If he does, you shouldn’t even be out with his wife for
drinks, pal! Or do you mean that she’s frightened of getting into any kind of
trouble with hubby because he’s the one who controls the purse strings? You’d
better figure out exactly what it is you’re dealing with here, my friend. Like
I’ve told you guys time and again, you have to learn to be love detectives on Love and Order. To you Psych majors, men
do the strangest things when they feel like they’re losing their woman.
For LeeAnn to
up and marry somebody else literally days after her breakup with you was wacky.
Something like that screams REBOUND from the rooftops! Did you at least ask her
if she was deeply in love when she married this guy?
You probably
didn’t, because you don’t want to know. But according to your pretty little
flake, YOU were always the one. There’s your evidence of the rebound effect.
LeeAnn’s telling you that she regretted what she did. Boy, I wonder how her
husband feels about that? She married him just to rub it in your face. And now she’s back fooling
around with you? What kind of wing-nut is she? I’ll tell you what she is for
sure -- trouble. And what’s even worse is that she’s telling you that
you were always the one; when her actions actually say that you were always
number two!
It’s always
nice and wonderful when you reconnect with an old flame, but if you were to
spend a couple of months with her, you’d start noticing things, the things that
broke you apart in the first place. But Smitty, you did do one thing right by telling
LeeAnn that you couldn’t see her again as long as she stays married. This shows
you’re not a completely lost cause.
Guys, your
ex-girlfriend fascinates you because your EGO blows the old romance all out of
proportion and you just look at the good parts, never the bad stuff, the stuff
that caused it to flop in the first place – that you weren’t even aware of.
Because if she were all that great, you two wouldn’t have split up and she
wouldn’t have gone off and married the rich guy five minutes later.
There are NO
exceptions to my principles when it comes to your ex. EVER. You have to
remember that you’re talking about the love of YOUR life -- only. Because you’re talking only about YOUR high Interest Level. LeeAnn didn’t
have high Interest Level in you, because she broke up with you over a silly
fight. And when she told you that you were always the one, you actually
believed her? Like I said, pal, you have to memorize
the book!
Sure, LeeAnn
was Giving and Flexible when you were sipping your margaritas in the bar. But
her head’s not screwed on right, because if it were, she wouldn’t have married
Bill Gates on the rebound. Don’t let yourself forget that.
What do you
mean, “If you can have her back?” She’s a married woman, dude. She’s not going
to just walk away from all that dough. Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says,
“It’s easier for her to stay miserable and married than it is for her to
divorce Fort Knox.” Hey, Smitty, I got news for you -- that’s why she picked
this guy on purpose on the rebound in
the first place. She’s a Giving person, alright. About as Giving and Flexible
as a shark. Do Giving people marry stinking rich guys they don’t care for all
that much?
Of course
LeeAnn’s a potential cheater. Just look at what she’s doing here. She’s a
married woman and mother sneaking around with a guy in a dark bar. What does
that tell you about her Integrity? What she should have told you was that she
doesn’t see other men while she’s married. But she can’t because she’s too busy
checking out the field. Because she figures that if she has to make the jump to
someone else, first she has to calculate how much jack the new turkey has for
her and her kid. A pretty picture, right? So there’s a lot going on here that
you neglected to see, Smitty. Remember what Rabbi Love says: “Son, you’d better
open your eyes unless you want to go through hell again.”
So no, you
can’t go back. EVER.
Remember,
guys: women don’t marry rich guys by mistake.
To send me
your love questions, listen to my CALL-IN TALK SHOW, or to find out more about
“The System,” visit me at http://www.doclove.com
or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a
talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For
the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one
man versus another?”
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